Random Thoughts of a Narcissistic Gay Man

   So the other night while I was sick, I was laying in bed and came upon the show hoarders on netflix. Funny thing, I had never NEVER seen that show. Sure I had heard my friends and family speak of it, or maybe overheard a commercial, but I never sat down and was like “Hey, let’s watch this show that will make me want to vomit.” So, needless to say, I sat down and had myself a little marathon, I am not sure why. I can’t only relate it to when you drive by an accident, part of you is like, “Don’t look, you don’t want to see blood or brains” and than there is the adolescent teen boy in your brain that never goes away that is like “LOOK!” So you do… damn teen boy side of the brain… Well, that is how it was with hoarders, once I started watching, I couldn’t turn away! Well that was up until the feces episode and than I called it quits.

   The thing that got me was, How does a person get to that poing? When do they realize that they have a problem. For the love of God, why are they crying and shaking over throwing away that gum wrapper, or that crusty sock or that water bottle their mother gave them 20 years ago???? I just couldn’t wrap my brain around it.

   Than today, I woke up and decided that I wanted to consolidate some of the random shit I have. I started with 2 bookshelves that hold my books and DVD’s. Granted, the shit could probably fit on one bookshelf, but I like to sepperate things with picture frames, collectibles, etc. to break up the books and stuff. It’s a design thing… Anyway, I decided that my place is too small to have this design effect and I choose more room over design. So, I start consolidating everything to one book shelf and reach a point where I realize, it just isn’t all going to fit. Than I think, I probably need to toss some shit to make room for the things that I really want and that’s when it happens. My chest starts to tighten, I get a little shakey and my anxiety goes up. Do you know how many moves I have taken this stuff with me? I love books, I am a huge reader, 90% of the books on my shelves I have read but the idea of tossing some makes me nervous and THAT is when I can relate to how that shit probably starts. It is probably just easier to keep what has a value to you than to toss it. Granted, my thing is books and DVD’s but the difference is, I WILL make myself get rid of the excess, trim it down to my favorites and move on, but for just an instant, just a flash, I got a clear mental picture of my future where my house would be filled with books and dvd’s and I do not want to be found dead under a stack of old Goosebumps and babysitter club books from when I was a kid. LOL

Anonymous: why did you have to hog a good fucking url for huh? Couldn't you have called it "narcissisticgaythoughts" instead? I hate you fucking people, always stealing the best urls when your blogs are shit any ways

Let me reach deep down in my bag of fucks I give… Nope fresh out :)

Jasperhale1984 find me, it’s my new addiction… Oh and apparently it’s only for iPhones right now -___-

1. I need to get my ass out of bed and actually DO something today! I am in need of a damn adventure.

2. I officially signed up for the Disneyland Half Marathon on September 2nd. That is lots of time to start training and get all sexy again!

3. I went indoor rock climbing yesterday, it was so much freaking fun, I can see this becoming a regular thing for myself! Who else is down? Also, it is hard NOT to check out all the packages when they are so well defined in a harness LOL.

4. Also, I got to meet a guy that I followed on tiny chat this morning. He is even better looking via web cam. 5. I need a vacation this year, I am thinking either London again or perhaps Greece… or just about anywhere, though my heart says London. Oh how I miss London.

I just don’t feel like shaving… So apparently I’m growing a beard… This should be interesting… Don’t mind the patchy hair growth -___-

Jasperhale1984 is my user name, yes I am THAT gay lol

I kept meaning to write a post to sum up 2011 but I will just have to do it tomorrow. All I can say from looking over the past year is that I am truly blessed. Sure, life isn’t perfect and I had my ups and downs but in the end, I am blessed with amazing people in my life, amazing family, I went to a place I had never been, shared in lots of love and spent quality time with those that mattered. I was lucky enough to still have my job, to still have opportunities and still have my life. So, yes, it’s not a perfect life, it wasn’t a perfect year, but in the end it is MY life, it was my year and I have grown from it :) Be safe my followers and friends because I love you all!

Sometimes my heart aches for the guy I haven’t met yet, I picture him feeling that same feeling and knowing that I am out there <3